I Wish You Had Heard Me Sing

I wish so much that you had heard me sing

When I tipped back my head and listened to the throaty melody echo in the stars,

Soaring up note by note with its own harmony made by the notes striking each other in the air, moments apart, but together infinite.

And they were dancing waltzes of every dream I’ve ever had and it was so sad to see them fall back to the ground after watching them go around and around to the one, two, three of freedom.

I wish you had been there to hear my voice take flight and leave my throat for the night to bounce back off of the moon and fall amongst the stars, shining with them as a soft echo, the sound like their light.

But I have no witnesses for my magic trick, and it seems that at that moment I was never more myself than when I left myself and let me be something else. I wish you had seen me… soaring up note by note, harmony striking itself in the air.

A world apart, but infinite. 

Love

If I have learned anything, it is that

Love is not what they say it is.

It is not what I have been told or shown and I have been lied to.

Whether it an outright deception or a case of omission, I cannot tell.

For the love that I have known has, in brief and rare instances, vaguely resembled that in movies, songs and fairytales,

And yet there is so much never seen, sung or written of

That no one ever warned me about.

I Carry Your Heart With Me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e. cummings

Eleven Eleven Tag

Here is my eleven eleven tag. Eleven facts about me and the answers to eleven questions.

1. I just bought a dress for under $5.00.

2. I am a mockingbird. I love to sing other people's songs and learn from the way they sing.

3. I have two birthmarks. One long oval on my leg that no one can figure out what is and one on my butt that hides and doesn't cause any comment or confusion.

4. I love clothes, fashion and all things related to style.

5. I have never been out of the United States and it kills me.

6. People tend to use the word "elegant" to describe me.

7. I once pulled a key out of an electric socket. It was a very shocking experience.

8. I can roll my r's, my tongue, my belly, and my eyes.

9.  I have a really hard time thinking of facts about myself.

10. I kinda sorta really wanna dye my hair black and pierce my nose in a very ungothic way.

1. How is living in an apartment vs. living in a dorm?
It is wonderful! There's so much more space and you feel less like a sardine in a can. I love all the windows. But my favorite part is having my own kitchen. Least favorite part is that it's on the fringes of campus and all uphill. Yay stairs! It's different, but it would be even more different if the apartment was off campus.


2. Icicles are falling all around the awning you are under but there is free cake across the street... what do you do?
You grab the top of a trash can, hold it over your head and race to the free goodness.

4.What is your dream career?
My dream career is to be a high school English teacher. It's why I'm here at an institution of higher learning. I have always been very career oriented and in my junior year of high school, I made an exhuastive list of every career that was even remotely interesting to me. This included everything from correctional officer, journalist, and psychologist. I pictured myself doing all of those things every day or years and years and years. And I decided the one that I could wake up in the morning for, the one I was most suited toward, the one that I could not get bored of, the one that I could really make a difference with, was teaching.

5. What grade did you get on your last essay?
I got an X. Which means I passed the pass or fail assignment. Boom.

6. Favorite kind of cake?
My favorite kind of cake is actually cake. Who needs to be picky about the details surrounding the estacy of your tastebuds? I do really like chocolate cake with thick chocolate frosting, though. So. So. Delicious.

7. Preferred bedtime?
I feel really awesome when I make it bed by midnight. Eleven, and I probably feel like I had something else to do, but I'm just too tired or done with the day to care.

8. Red or nude lipstick?
Here's the deal kids, red lipstick is hard for me to pull off and I swear to you, nude lipstick does not last. I have a red gloss that will stain and fade into a really nice, bright, complementary color that draws attention, but doesn't make you look like a clown. At least it lasts. A nude lip rubs off unevenly half the time. Worst thing ever- having the edges of your lips be pink and the middle be a flakey, wavering nude. Gross.

9. Heels, flats, or wedges?
This, of course depends on the occasion and the outfit. In order, my preference is flats, heels and then wedges. Flats someone look so sophisticated with everything. Heels make you feel sexy as hell. Wedges... wedges are like a cute, flirty, casual thing I'm just not that into.

10. If someone random told you their name, would you tell them yours?
Absolutely! If someone walked over to me in the airport, on the bus, on the street, in Walmart or any which where and said "Hi. I'm Steve." I would almost without exception reply, "Hello, Steve. I'm Anna."


11. Trip to Europe or Jamacia?
Europe. Always Europe. Jamacia would be heaps of fun though!

And I have no one to tag... awkward. But I thought I owed this to Meg of True Story.

I've Been Boring Lately

I realized about a week ago that I have been incredibly boring lately, and in the worst possible way.

I've been wearing boring, lifeless, unexceptional, commonplace and all together unworthy outfits.

This is something of a tragedy for someone who thinks of getting dressed in the morning as an act of self expression, creativity and identity.

It's partially because I'm busy.

It's partially because I'm self conscious. (Sometimes you get tired of being noticed.)

It's partially because it is just too cold to be cute.

But it's really not hard to throw on a pair of earrings.

Chic is in the little things.

So enough boring.

It's time to be fabulous again.

Inspiration II

Antonin Dvorak's Romance for Violin and Orchestra in F Minor.

It's no secret that the violin is my favorite instrument, and this piece is like a merry-go-round of violins. I can rather imagine them all conversing about something. Waxing poetic. Singing and listening for love songs. I adore the gentle movement from quiet melody to musical tempest. The swaying repetition of the solo violin's lonely, lovely theme. Romancing.

Thirteen plus minutes of magic. Your ears will thank you. I thank Antonin Dvorak.

I Am a Feminist

I didn’t think I was a feminist. I said so in a paper I wrote for my Freshman English class. I turned in a research proposal saying as much and my professor returned my paper having circled and underlined that particular sentence with a comment all in capital letters “WHAT?!?” Her reaction shocked me. How was not being a feminist any worse than not being a democrat? It was all a matter of personal and political inclination.

It wasn’t until I took a sociology course that I truly understood feminism. Feminism, in my mind, had always been portrayed by unfeminine woman and a far left political position. However, that is not feminism. It exists within feminism, to be sure, but those individuals do not encompass the whole idea. Feminism, in its essence is about equality. While some use feminism to campaign their right not to shave their armpits, original feminists used it to campaign for their right to political, social and economic equality. They wanted to vote, go to college, be doctors and lawyers, run for public office, take out loans, and own property. They wanted to be treated as equal to men.

When you’re treated as an equal, you are treated as having the same level of dignity, yet at least for me, the argument as to whether or not men and woman are the same is irrelevant. We have obvious biological differences. However, what role these biological differences actually play in our behavior has been far too long connected to socially constructed gender roles. Having a vagina does not make me more capable of cooking, cleaning and nurturing than someone with a penis.

Gender roles make the world go round and we learn them from a very young age. We learn that girls  and boys wear different things. That boys and girls play with different toys. That they are expected to be gifted at and interested in different things. Yet it is not a matter of biology that I wear skirts and make up. Gender roles and gender are not the same, yet they are so often tangled up in the conversation of feminism, which as you will recall is about equality. Can I have the same dignity as a man and wear mascara? Absolutely.

In short, I am a feminist because I think that woman are equal in dignity and rights to men. But I am also a feminist because I think that woman should not make about 75 cents for every male dollar. Because I think it should not be a social norm for woman to have work the second shift. Because the average male says it would  “bother him” to have a female boss. Because when a woman can’t run for public office without her gender being considered her most defining characteristic. Because woman are subject to a level of objectification in the media that men are not. Because I don’t think a woman should have to choose between her career and having a family. Our society places woman at a disadvantage, and I don’t think that’s okay. So to set the record straight: female is a matter of biology. Feminine is a set of culturally defined characteristics. Feminist is a political position. I happen to be all three.

*A lot of ideas are vauguely plagarized in this reflection. I caution readers to take wording and exact numbers with a grain of salt. If you have any questions about my sources or reasoning, I would be happy to do my best to dig up a credible source that reflects my claims.