Gold Stars

Why do I always seek your approval? As if I needed your words to make or break my efforts.

I already doubt myself enough. Do I really need to add your doubts on top of all that? Need... is that what it all comes down to? That needy desire to hear that you think I'm not just a pathetic waste of space, time and energy?

As if I will really believe whatever it is you say.

It's not really your words I want. No. How often are they an accurate representation of what you're really thinking? Not like I want to hear that either... that might be too honest, you know.

I can't stand the lies, but it's the truth I'm really afriad of.

So. That places you in the delicate position of being unable to say anything I want to hear. The lie will frustrate me and the truth I won't believe because I am already convinced it is a lie.

So why do I bother asking? Why do I study your face like a textbook, hunting for clues as to the thoughts that you held back from your words, turning this into some stupid game of Truth or Dare with my self-confidence hanging in the balance?

This isn't kindergarten. There are no more gold star stickers.