Friday, December 24, 2010

Snowflake Hoax

I don't believe every snowflake is unique.

I think it's incredibly presumptuous to even presume that.

Yeah, I've examined every snowflake in the history of the world too, and I can concretely certify and absolutely verify beyond a shadow of a doubt that each one was, is and ever more shall be totally different.

Hogwash, says I!

My personal theory is that snowflake designs are on a thousand year rotation, but I don't know and I don't presume to know.

I don't make snowflakes. 

I just eat them.

It appears as though we shall have a very white Christmas. It's coming down, all light and fluffy.

In flakes that may or may not look the same.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

In Hindsight...

Do you ever look back at your life and think about the changes?

There are some things in my life now that I still can't believe happened.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Bond Girl 007

I put on some new purfume today. Bond Girl 007, by Avon.

It smelled good. I was feeling adventurous. Covert. Classy.

I was breezing along, minding my own business and apparently failed to realize I was leaving choking people in my wake.

"Anna! What are you wearing?!" My Mother asked.

Umm... clothes?

"What perfume is that?" she clarified.

"The name is Bond Girl. Bond Girl 007."

Everyone had something positive to say about my new scent.

"It's really... strong."

"You smell like a guy!"

"I'm gonna pass out..."

Thanks everyone! I like it too!

In spite of some fears that I might overwhelm someone with my sweet and mysterious aura, I didn't change clothes before going to work. No one complained, commented, fainted or died in my presence.

When someone did smell it, they said "Oh! I really like that!"

Thank you, sane and civilized world.

I guess the rest of my family (Hi, Mom!) isn't cut out for Bond Girl 007.

I shall have to wear it more often.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Ten Ways You Know Christmas is Coming

1) Snow. Dang it. I hate it! I wish it would snow on Christmas Eve and melt the day after Christmas. The rest of the time it can just be cold... Never mind. No snow, no cold. We can just install one of those snow machines in the sky so we get the same thrill of a Winter Wonderland without freezing to death, slipping and breaking bones and having to dig the car out of a 20 foot drift. God bless those of you who live down south. One Midwestern girl is infinitely jealous.

2) Stores. They seem to think Christmas starts in October and ends Christmas day. There are confused people in marketing. It's so long and aggressive it burns me out. You know how bad it's gotten? They made the Charlie Brown tree. You know, the cartoon? Charlie hates Christmas because he's a general misanthrope and because he feels it's overcommercialized. So in beautiful irony, he decorates this pathetic little tree and in breaking free from societies false representation of the "meaning of Christmas", he experiences true joy. Yippee, right? Well now they sell little copies of that tree. Little awful models that slander everything it stood for. Yes, I'm ranting. I was appalled.

3) Presents. "What do you want?" Oh how I loathe that question. I really don't want anything you can give me. I may like some stupid little thing or other, but want is not the right word. When I think want I think about people who have real wants. Needs. I want chocolate. Someone on the other side of the world WANTS clean water. He wants what he needs. No one should have to want that. Again, I'm ranting. Being an idealist. Spank me for wanting good to an unrealistic degree. Slightly better is gift giving. Yet this also finds a way to be difficult. I feel self imposed pressure to find the perfect thing for everyone. And when this thing does not appear, I lose the joy part in the "joy of giving". What needs to change there, I wonder? Lower standards? Am adjustment of perspective? (Stop giving gifts? Just kidding.)

4) Decorations. From trees to lights, wreaths and ornaments, garlands and the like, the world is decked out (inside and out) like no other this time of year. Tastefully done, I'm fine with it. I even kind of like it. Sparkly... who could complain? But tacky, overdone decor is truly horrid in red, green and flashy. It's always horrid, but for some reason, Christmas colors make it even worse.

5) Music. Oh I love music. And Christmas music, like most music, can be done one of two ways: well or not well. If you insist upon writing your own Christmas song, please, for heaven's sake, don't be cheesy about it. If you're just going to recycle phrases we've all heard a hundred times, over strain your vocal chords trying to croon or put it to a generally awful tune, do us a favor and skip it. And please note that the classics are called classics for a reason. You don't have to reinvent them.

6) Food. Cookies! I may have mentioned how I feel about cookies. There are loads of goodies this time of year to make the holidays worthwhi... I mean bright. The traditions revolving around food are perhaps my favorite. What can I say? I have a whole mouth of sweet teeth.

7) Family. Those relatives you never hear from any other time of the year send you a Christmas card updating you on their oh-so important (and until now, highly mysterious) lives. The family hash's out who all is coming and going where. People descend on the home of the poor host laden with gifts, food and more people. You're glad to have them... for a while. But few have enough patience to put up with their in laws for more than a few days.

8) Your Stress Level. Sky rocketing! And you thought fireworks were only for the 4th of July! To do lists, gift lists, a calender full of holiday related activities and people, places and things all demanding your attention! Exhilarating, isn't it? Until of course, you really do make like a firework and burn out.

9) Your House. This is the humble abode where all this Christmas cheer; the sounds, smells, sights and tastes of the holiday all collide into something best described as... chaos! Even if you aren't spending the actual holiday in your home, chances are you will be going to someone elses home where this takes place. Funny thing about the chaos is that it can also feel kind of cozy.

10) Your Heart. Whether your Christmas spirit quota is reminiscent of a burned out Christmas light (like mine) or a the whole dang tree, this is the place Christmas truly is. You can have the right music, the most tastefully done decor and all the perfect presents and be stressed and miserable. You can also have a wonderful Christmas without any of these things. Christmas is a holiday of the heart.

I hope you have a merry one.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

I Didn't Think It, I Wrote It

I love journals. I've kept one on and off all my life. I used to be so specific about what could and couldn't go in a journal though. No lists, doodles, plans, school work, notes, etc. etc. This was a book about the days of my often boring life. It must be done right.

For this reason, I would abandon "imperfect" journals half way through and start a new one. The possibility of making a fresh start was uplifting. Besides, everyone who becomes famous wishes they had journaled in the past so they could sell the dang thing for millions.

I was a kid. My stupidity was cute back then. But I still keep two separate books, one as my journal and one for anything else.

I journal for a lot of reasons. I think best on paper. The words just come easiest that way. It gets things outside of me too. I don't have to carry it around so much anymore, because I processed it though words. I can't just make those words come out of my mouth. My mind goes blank and I look and feel about as intelligent as drowning goldfish.
Journaling also helps me process incomplete thoughts. It gives me time to further explore certain things and see then through. For some reason, I am incapable of doing this in my head. I suppose rather than dwelling on my glaring inadequacies, I should just be grateful that I have a way of doing so at all, even if it is not particularly efficient.

I've completed four journals in the past few years. I'm actually forever grateful for the habit, as I have a tendency to forget a lot of things. I love going back and rereading what I wrote, rethinking what I thought, revisiting the past. Personal history. Words are always there for me, even when my memory is not.

To some people, keeping a journal is like a burden. Something on their "to do" list. These people are mostly 'trial' journalers, in my opinion because few of us stick with things we don't like when we don't strictly have to do them. Which is why most of us go to work but not all of us journal. All of us shouldn't journal anyway. You should journal is if it is useful to you. Other wise, save a tree and your sanity.

But for me, a journal is a release and a joy. It is a very private thing, I'd really rather other people didn't read it. Because it's just for me. Most of it is worthless worries, thoughts, or other forms of expression. Yet it is helpful to me in some way, this thinking on paper.

I often think thoughts I didn't know I was thinking at all.

Monday, December 6, 2010


Sometimes when you're trying to write haiku's, syllables don't quite cooperate and you end up with something more like...

Sharing is caring
In most cases, you see
But one thing to keep to yourself
Is a sneeze