Love

If I have learned anything, it is that

Love is not what they say it is.

It is not what I have been told or shown and I have been lied to.

Whether it an outright deception or a case of omission, I cannot tell.

For the love that I have known has, in brief and rare instances, vaguely resembled that in movies, songs and fairytales,

And yet there is so much never seen, sung or written of

That no one ever warned me about.

I Am a Feminist

I didn’t think I was a feminist. I said so in a paper I wrote for my Freshman English class. I turned in a research proposal saying as much and my professor returned my paper having circled and underlined that particular sentence with a comment all in capital letters “WHAT?!?” Her reaction shocked me. How was not being a feminist any worse than not being a democrat? It was all a matter of personal and political inclination.

It wasn’t until I took a sociology course that I truly understood feminism. Feminism, in my mind, had always been portrayed by unfeminine woman and a far left political position. However, that is not feminism. It exists within feminism, to be sure, but those individuals do not encompass the whole idea. Feminism, in its essence is about equality. While some use feminism to campaign their right not to shave their armpits, original feminists used it to campaign for their right to political, social and economic equality. They wanted to vote, go to college, be doctors and lawyers, run for public office, take out loans, and own property. They wanted to be treated as equal to men.

When you’re treated as an equal, you are treated as having the same level of dignity, yet at least for me, the argument as to whether or not men and woman are the same is irrelevant. We have obvious biological differences. However, what role these biological differences actually play in our behavior has been far too long connected to socially constructed gender roles. Having a vagina does not make me more capable of cooking, cleaning and nurturing than someone with a penis.

Gender roles make the world go round and we learn them from a very young age. We learn that girls  and boys wear different things. That boys and girls play with different toys. That they are expected to be gifted at and interested in different things. Yet it is not a matter of biology that I wear skirts and make up. Gender roles and gender are not the same, yet they are so often tangled up in the conversation of feminism, which as you will recall is about equality. Can I have the same dignity as a man and wear mascara? Absolutely.

In short, I am a feminist because I think that woman are equal in dignity and rights to men. But I am also a feminist because I think that woman should not make about 75 cents for every male dollar. Because I think it should not be a social norm for woman to have work the second shift. Because the average male says it would  “bother him” to have a female boss. Because when a woman can’t run for public office without her gender being considered her most defining characteristic. Because woman are subject to a level of objectification in the media that men are not. Because I don’t think a woman should have to choose between her career and having a family. Our society places woman at a disadvantage, and I don’t think that’s okay. So to set the record straight: female is a matter of biology. Feminine is a set of culturally defined characteristics. Feminist is a political position. I happen to be all three.

*A lot of ideas are vauguely plagarized in this reflection. I caution readers to take wording and exact numbers with a grain of salt. If you have any questions about my sources or reasoning, I would be happy to do my best to dig up a credible source that reflects my claims.

Inspiration I

Picasso's Nude Descending a Staircase. 

How do you seperate her from the staircase? Why do I assume that she is a she? Would we assume this was a nude if we were not told? Do we see a human being? If not, what do we see?

I see a wooden woman, a buck naked wooden woman. I see her gliding descent in fast forward and rewind. I see her as apart from the staircase, the blur before clarity. The most focused part of the painting is the top of the stairs and she is walking away from it.

Things I Learned My First Year of College

Here we are, the Saturday before finals week and I thought I'd take the time I should be studying to share with you some of the awesome things I've learned this year. While these are really only a few of the insights the experience has afforded me, as this adventure draws to a close, I thought I'd share with you a list of the  top ten lessons I learn in my first year of college.

1. Anything can and will mold.
Except for like Twinkies. Really. Coffee molds! Who knew, right?

2. All you need are socks.
And until you need socks or other unmentionables, you won't do laundry. Not for your lucky jeans. Not for your sheets. Not even for the only shirt that doesn't make you look fat. Until you need socks or undies, you will make do.

3. Make work fun.
Working in college kind of sucks, but only if you let it. I work the worst job imaginable - Campus Dining. But about 99% of the time I love my job because I make it fun. I talk to my co-workers and our customers and I will be the one laughing it off when something little goes wrong, working the fastest to get through the orders of the entire baseball team with a smile or following the stupid rules about cleaning/cooking/breathing cheerfully. I will be the one making the jokes, poking fun and having a great time. Because if I have to be here four days a week, it had better be fun.

4. What the hell is sociology?
Sociology, friends is the study of development, structure and functioning of human society and its institutions and it is awesome. I never knew what it was and probably would have gone my whole life without really knowing so if my first year experience course had not been with a sociology professor whose influence had a profound affect on me. Now I'm considering a minor in sociology and have a whole new perspective with which to view the world around me.
5. Boys will be boys.
You thought they'd be different then they were in high school, but no. They're just the same.

6. Studying is best done in solitude.
Group study is a great idea! We can all catch up with homework and each other at the same time! HA! Not.

7. Stress less.
Money, commitments, due dates, uncertainty, life... it's all so terrifying. Sometimes it all catches up with me and I have a mini panic attack. But then Bob Marley comes to the rescue and I play Three Little Birds and I believe everything he sings to me. Every little thing is going to be alright and it's nothing a few deep breaths and a good night's sleep can't fix.

8. Balance is key.
Balance your workload, balance your diet, balance you budget, balance your backpack, balance your friends, balance your life. Moderation is the golden rule.

9. Do what you want to when you want to.
If you wanna go, even if you have to go alone, then you should go. If you want to stay even through everyone else is going, then by all means stay. Be your own person for goodness sake. If you can't count on yourself to look after you, who will?

10. Communicate, Articulate, Elaborate.
In class, in relationships, in writing, in thought, in word - say what's in your head and heart, say it well and be prepared to expound on your ideas.

First Ever Angsty Political Rant

I'm shocked this is the first ever angsty political rant, because honestly, I could have chosen better issues. Yet somehow I've bottled it all up inside in the past and at least protected this blog from my political opinions even when my friends and family weren't so lucky. But here we go.

I was shocked Obama's "coming out" in support of gay marriage had such a positive response, I think it seems fairly obvious that after Biden's statement, the Obama administration said "Oh snap, Obama. He's making you look bad. If you want to live here for the next four years, you'd better get your act together and show some semblance of uniformity within this organization and put yourself in stark contrast with Romney." That's my take on it any way. If anyone else were to change their opinion on an issue like that, they would be wishy-washy and inconsistent. But when Obama suddenly comes to an epiphany as a result of careful reflection and study that took him several years and coincidentally concluded today, it's very mature and reasonable.

Can you say double standard?

I honestly don't really care if Obama supports gay marriage. The "marriage equality" issue is very hot right now, and I don't see resolution for either side as being a feasible reality, at least not in the short term. In other words, the law should not be dependent on if one man supports or doesn't support something. According to a recent Gallup poll, half of American support gay marriage. In a true democracy with one person, one vote, this should be put up to vote and according to Gallup, the majority of us want equal rights for homosexual couples. Yet America is not a true democracy. Our values may well be changing, yet it will take time for our norms to reflect that.

So why am I so incensed? I don't think you should be able to play the game that poorly and be handed a "Champion of the Oppressed" trophy as a reward. This might turn things around for the Obama in the eyes of the public, but I'm not impressed.


Read the article and see the video that prompted this rant here!!
 http://gma.yahoo.com/obama-announces-his-support-for-same-sex-marriage.html

Balloons of Expectation

Please stop wanting, wishing and hoping for things that you know cannot and will not come true. Hope is such a fragile thing, yet it has the endurance to keep you holding your breath for days and days. I do not want the inevitable disappointment that comes with breathing in. I never start it. They always entice me with things too real to be resisted, and then back away. I take the small reality and turn it  into a colossal dream that no man could ever hope to support on his shoulders, no matter how broad. But I hold on to it, by the thin strings that I attach to all of these gigantic balloons of possibility. I am left with a hand full of strings and a sky clouded over with voluminous dreams and expectations that shroud my ability to enjoy the reality. Nothing can live up to my hopes. Nothing can measure up to my reality. Yes, have standards. Yes, have ideals. But don’t think you can have your cake and eat it too.

Do You See What I See?

I smile so sweetly at you

I seem so pretty, so kind

Little do you know

I'm counting down the seconds

Until I disappoint you

And I don’t even know

Your name

~~~~~

"You are beautiful."

You called me beautiful? What were you looking at?

~~~~~

"You're so nice, Anna!"

Is she really?

I don't know. This is you we're talking about. Are you?

I don't know.

~~~~~

"Elegant."

Me? The girl who trips over things in plain sight and claims they moved?

"Poised."

Me? The one who doesn't know how to smile correctly?

"Wise."

Now I know we must be talking about someone else.

But who?

I still don't know.

~~~~~

What do you believe? Your reflection in the mirror or the reflection in their eyes?



I don't know.

 

You know, you don't know a lot of things.

 

Yes, I know. I'm you, remember?

 

Of course I remember. I'm you.

 

 

~~~~~

 

Some days, World, I am your girl. Some days, I am no one's. I do not know exactly who that girl is, because she is unfinished. She's a work in progress. I see glimpses of who she is and who she will be, in the eyes of others and in my own. But there is more to her.

 

There will always be more.

 

I suppose that is her beauty. It lives in the eye of the beholder. In some eyes, it lives. In others, it has no place. Let there be at least two eyes that remember to see her. That keep a place for her...

 

And let those same two eyes make room for beauty found in others, everywhere.

 

So that wherever they look... it will be beautiful.